20 Questions with Paul Carrack

16 Dec

As I write, I’m listening to the radio.  Nothing unusual in that – I do it every day!  So why tell you?


Because the current track is the new single by Paul Carrack – a re-recording of the 1989 hit he had with Mike & The Mechanics, ‘The Living Years’.  This time, he’s leading The London Hospices Choir – made up of three hundred staff, volunteers and patients from across the capital.  The record has been made to celebrate the hundred-and- twenty-fifth anniversary of the Royal Trinity Hospice and raise awareness of the hospice movement as a whole.


It’s released today, but I got my copy ten days ago – when I met Paul at the BBC (Wogan House- formerly Western House). …


Did I sound the tiniest bit pleased with myself there?  Sorry! … I’m actually hugely pleased with myself!


He was there to do several interviews with BBC local radio around the country, via an ISDN line.  Thanks to Adrian Tredinnick, who coordinated the day, I was lucky enough to do my interview (for an edition of ’20 Questions with’, for the Wireless, from Age UK) in person.


I thoroughly enjoyed my first experience of doing this programme, with Paul Brady, back in October; but this time around, a little more experience with the format (which isn’t mine!) meant a little less fear of breaking it! – and what nerves there were, Paul C dispelled the moment he came into our tiny studio.  He might be a hugely successful solo artist, who has also worked with several people you may possibly have heard of … Eric ClaptonRingo Starr? … but he’s still a down-to-earth Yorkshireman who believes in getting a laugh out of life.  (There’s a lot of laughter on the show – much of it mine!)


After forty-a-hem! Years in the music business, he obviously still loves what he does – and he’s genuinely happy to talk about it.  Before we started recording, I mentioned his hectic schedule that day and commented that:


‘You’ll be shattered by the end of it, won’t you?!’  He just laughed and said:


‘It’s fine!  As long as people want to know what I’m up to, I’ll tell them.  It’s when they lose interest I have to start worrying!’


I always love recording with people who have a real passion for their subject – be it psychology, neurology or music!  It fuels my passion for my own job.


This particular interview (like the last) was yet another reminder for me that everything comes to she who waits – as long as she gives it a little push every now and then.


I almost got to do a phone interview with Paul a few years ago, on another radio station.  Unfortunately, that didn’t go ahead; but when I was given the chance to do ’20 Questions With’, the earlier almost-encounter gave me a way in – which resulted in a face-to-face meeting.


This is an example of a recurring theme in my life – second chances.  an opportunity comes along but doesn’t quite happen.  Then, sometimes several years down the line, it comes around again – and this time, it comes off – usually bigger and better than it would ever have been first time around.


This one, like the Paul Brady interview, has a very personal dimention for me.


Back in 1974, I was a little girl who hadn’t even begun to form her own musical tastes.  I tended to like ‘kids’’ music, or whatever the rest of the family liked.  ‘How Long?’ by Ace (led by Paul Carrack) was the first record I made up my own mind about.  I loved it the first time I heard it – and still do.


Thirty-six years later, I started my first radio series.  Paul Brady’s ‘Hard Station’ opened the first show in 2010 and Ace closed the last, in 2012.  Those were interview-based programmes, where the interviewee always picked the closing track.  My final guest on that series was Rob Jones of USP Content – who let me loose on ’20 Questions With’ earlier this year  – and played the new single on his own show yesterday, giving my programme with Paul it’s first plug (it all fits together!)


So 11:45 AM on Tuesday 6th December (when we did the interview) was a real high point for me, professionally and personally.  The same will be true of 6PM  tomorrow and 31st December – when the show goes out.  (Each comes with repeats at midnight the next day and 6AM the following Tuesday).


You can listen on DAB in and around London (just look for ‘Wireless’ on your radio’s display).  Outside that area, you can listen online at the Wireless website, or via the Age UK site.


After Xmas, I’ll start the search for my next guest.  I did approach Bill Bryson, but unfortunately, he can’t do it right now.  I got a lovely email from his daughter, to say ‘Dad isn’t doing any publicity til 2019, when the next book comes out’.  With any luck, that might prove to be another of those opportunities that takes time to mature …!  Well, there’s nothing like a bit of forward planning, is there?!


In the much shorter term, let me wish you all the best for Xmas & New Year, and any other festival you may be celebrating around now.  If you don’t have an excuse for celebration – find one!  We all need something to brighten things up in the middle of winter.


I’ll talk to you in 2017!  In the meantime, if you want to talk to me, I’m around til next Thursday (22nd), then back on 4th January.  All the contact details are, as ever, on the website.


From Crazy Dreams to Unexpected Opportunities

25 Nov

First, an apology for going AWOL over the last few months!  I’ve been busy on the long-promised book and a fair amount of radio work.

The book is now almost complete – hoping to hit the finish line before Xmas.  I’ll keep you posted on that.

The radio work includes a show which airs this weekend – ‘Twenty Questions with Paul Brady’.

Paul is an Irish Singer, Song-writer and multi-instrumentalist.  Alongside his long and successful solo career, he’s collaborated with some of the biggest names in the music industry – and been covered by even more!

I first came across him back in the Spring of 1984 – when I was counting the days til I could leave boarding school!  Like so many teenagers before us (though not too many after), my friends and I used to listen to Radio Luxembourg in the evening.

One night, in among all the chart music, I heard the title track from Paul’s ‘Hard Station’ album.  It was tricky to get a clear impression (if you remember the station, you’ll remember the trademark fade!), but I liked what I heard, so went looking for the album (we’re talking vinyl here).

Over the next several years, I tried every outlet I could think of (remember this was pre-internet), but responses ranged from: ‘It’s been deleted’, which may have been true, to ‘It doesn’t exist!’ – which I knew wasn’t true – although there were times when I did start wondering …

I comforted myself with the thought that if I had dreamed it up, I was in good company!

I once heard a radio interview with Paul McCartney in which he told a great story, about a Wings track, which later appeared in the film ‘Give My Regards to Broad Street’.

One morning, he said to Linda:

‘I love that Stones track – “No Values” – but I can’t remember what album it’s on!’  He thought she might help him out – but instead, she looked blank and asked:  ‘What Stones track?’  So he sang a bit (although he couldn’t remember all the words); but she was none the wiser.  ‘I’ve never heard of it!’ she insisted.

It turned out he’d only heard a snippet  in a dream – although he turned the dream into reality, by writing the rest of the song!

Fortunately, in the late-eighties, I caught an interview with Paul Brady in which he confirmed that ‘Hard Station’ definitely did exist outside my subconscious – but I still had no luck finding it.

I eventually ran out of options – til 2004.  By then we were, of course, firmly in the internet age.  So when events that Summer inspired me to have one more try, I was finally able to find a cd copy, via Paul’s website.

When it arrived through the post, the case was broken – but that didn’t matter.  The disc was fine.  Some of the tracks on the album were familiar because they’d appeared on others I’d managed to get hold of in the intervening years; but I hadn’t heard the title track in two decades!

A few years later, it opened my first radio show – and the first track on the album  closed the programme.  That’s ‘Crazy Dreams’, the origins of which Paul explains on this weekend’s show.

So how did I get from a battered cd case to an interview with the artiste?

The presenter who played the elusive track all those years ago was Rob Jones.  As you’ll know from posts on this site. Or if you’ve ever wandered around the About section of the Speak For Yourself website, these days Rob is CEO of USP Content – and a friend and occasional collaborator of mine.  He’s also heavily involved with The Wireless from Age UK – where (as you might also know) I’ve been doing some work over the last year and a half.

Twenty Questions With’ is an interview-based show, with guests who have a public profile and an interesting story to tell.  I’ve fancied doing it since it started a few years ago.  By April this year, I hoped I might have established enough of a track record with the station at least to float the idea, along with the names of a few potential guests.  When I got the go-ahead, I wasted no time in contacting Paul’s management.

I’d been in touch a few years ago, because I would have loved to use part of ‘Hard Station’ as the theme for my regular shows.  There were very good commercial reasons why that couldn’t happen – but this was a completely different proposition – and the answer was ‘yes’!

Paul is based in Dublin, so it took a few months to get us both in the same place at the same time; but on 22nd October, it happened.  He made a flying visit to London that weekend, to play at Nell’s Jazz and Blues Club in Kensington (I was there!) and the next morning, we recorded at his hotel.

When the recording was done, I asked Paul if he’d sign the cd which took so long to track down.  ‘With pleasure!’ he said – til he saw the state of the case – at which point, he burst out laughing!  (It’s seen a lot of service since its original bashing at the hands of Royal Mail!).

I now have a brand new copy – signed of course – along with my first chance to host a show which has been making my production and presentation fingers itch for so long!

My professional and personal life is full of apparently ordinary moments which have led to unexpected opportunities, or mad ideas which have become reality years – even decades – later.  They remind me of something we all probably need reminding of once in a while – especially those of us in business.  Seeds can be planted in the most unlikely places and if they’re kept fed and watered, they can grow up to bear surprising fruit.  In business terms, turning last night’s crazy dream into tomorrow’s opportunity takes investments of patience, persistence and time – and nothing happens unless some of those investments are channelled into communication with others; but the returns are worth the risk.

If you’d like to catch my interview with Paul, you can pick it up at 6PM this Saturday (26th November) on The Wireless, on DAB in and around London, or online anywhere.

Talking of communication – as I was a couple of paragraphs ago – I’ve just heard about a piece of research, into a specific situation in which we regularly lie to each other and expect – even want – to be lied to in return.  I can tell you, it isn’t about managing expectations – so I won’t lie to you about time-scales!  I’ll just say I’ll be back to do it as soon as I can.

In the meantime, if you have any:


Comments or

Communications issues you’d like to chat through


all my contact details are on the website.

Drinking with the Invisible Man & Woman

4 Aug

I feel old this week!  Three incidents in the last six days have really made me realise which side of the technological generation gap I’m on!


The first was a conversation with a twenty-something member of the team at one of our strategic partners – about ‘sociable robots’ of all things!  (That’s not as random as it sounds; we’re working on a programme on the subject).  I can see the potential for robots which can become carers or companions for the most vulnerable people in our society; but I also agree with Sherry Turkle at MIT, that we shouldn’t lose sight of their limitations.  One of the most important of those, in my view, is that machines can only be programmed to act out human capacities like empathy.  They can’t actually experience them.  My young colleague said he thought a convincing performance could be good enough.  I don’t– but that’s the point of making the programme.  There are strong views on both sides and it’s a question which needs debating.


The next day, I was in another associate’s studio.  I was working with a producer who is of a similar age to me, as well as a young woman not long out of college.  She took an active part in the session – although through most of it, she had her phone in her hand and was constantly interacting with absent friends.


The third incident is the one that gives this post its title.  It’s a  news story – or rather, the reaction to it.


Steve Tyler is Landlord of the Gin Tub, in Hove, East Sussex.  He’s so fed up with customers talking to invisible friends via social media, rather than the people they’re physically drinking with, he’s installed a Faraday cage to stop mobile signals.  He’s done it, he says, because he wants to give people a break from being connected – and he wants to stop all the atmosphere in the bar being drained away into remote locations.


Now, all this sounds perfectly reasonable to me.  In my quaint, old-fashioned world, the whole reason for going out for a drink is to catch up with the friends you’re out with.  When 5 Live covered the story, though, a straw poll of drinkers in Salford made me feel like a lone voice in the wilderness!


One man admitted to clutching his phone and feeling quite ‘twitchy’ because he knew he couldn’t look at it during the interview (which would have lasted no more than a few minutes).  .  Others made comments like:


‘But I might get notifications!  People might be trying to message me!’


‘How would you play Pokemon Go?!’ and (most depressing for me)


‘I reckon he’ll go out of business pretty soon’.


I really hope the last contributor is proved wrong.  Yes, some customers might leave, but there’s a massive marketing opportunity here – a chance to attract a whole new clientele; people who still appreciate the chance for a face-to-face chat, without the constant threat of being interrupted by a phone – their own or anyone else’s!  There are parallels here with the smoking ban.  Yes, I know a lot of people abandoned their local; but others who previously avoided the pub etc were drawn in by the promise of being able to have a drink without a compulsory secondhand smoke chaser.


Steve isn’t advocating being completely cut off from the 21st century.  There’s an area outside the bar where people can use their phones as much as they like (described on the radio as similar to the provision pubs make for smokers); and there’s a landline inside, for emergencies.  All he’s saying, as I understand it, is that as much as we might love our technology, it’s good to have a break sometimes.  One of the reasons I love studio work is that the phone either has to go off or stay outside – so no-one can get to me in there!


It’s too simplistic, of course, to say this is just a generational issue – that all young people are unconditionally pro tech and all older ones are anti.  I have friends who buck the trend on both sides of the divide; but a divide certainly does exist.  When it comes to technology, that will always be the case.


The late Douglas Adams summed that up brilliantly in a programme for Radio 4 in 1999.  I don’t have the exact quote to hand, but he said something like:


The technology that’s around when we’re born is just a normal part of life.  Anything invented before we’re thirty-five is interesting – even exciting; but anything that comes along after that is ‘the devil’s work!’


That’s obviously not a hard and fast rule, but it’s not a bad guideline.


As time goes on, increasingly sophisticated tech is bound to become even more deeply interwoven into everyday life.  That will open up some amazing opportunities for all of us – as it already has; but my message, as always, is that to get the best out of those new opportunities, we need to keep hold of some traditional human skills.  We have to  maintain a balance between the physical and the virtual.  To do that, we need to keep talking – in every sense of the word.


We’ll go on with the theme of talking in the next post; specifically, the words we use to label one another.  In the meantime, if you have any:



Comments or



come and talk to me – maybe over a drink at the Gin Tub?!  All the details (for me – not the bar!) are on the website.


Anyone for Phone Tennis?

13 Jul

Over the weekend, I almost changed my mind about the subject of this post, after watching Andy Murray win his second Wimbledon Singles title.  Aside from the fact that his joy and relief radiated off my TV screen, for me, it was a reminder of the role of sport as the positive power of tribalism (most of the time anyway!).  When it goes well, it cuts across so many other divisions – including politics.  No, let’s not get into examples of when a mix of sport and politics becomes doubly devisive – that’s another post, for another time! !


Last night, I nearly changed my mind again, after watching a brilliant TED talk; but I’m about to invite the speaker to be part of Programme 5 of the current series.  If he can do it, I’ll tell you all about him then.  If not, I’ll find an opportunity to talk about him anyway!


So I’m sticking with my original topic, mentioned at the end of the last post – phone manners – particularly two trends I’ve spotted, which appear to be moving in opposite directions.  The first operates on a one-to-one level and the second on a many-to-one basis.


Once upon a time, not so very long ago, it was perfectly normal to pick up the phone spontaneously, to call a friend or colleague.  In fact, making an appointment to chat would have seemed pretty weird!  Of course, before email, it would have been a lot harder, wouldn’t it?


Now, increasingly, I find myfriends and I email to ask:


‘When would be a good time to give you a call?’


Yes, there are exceptions – but that’s the point: they used to be the rule.


This ties back to our growing reluctance to interrupt – and be interrupted – which all flows back to how we meet the challenge of attention overload.


One person’s ‘reluctance’ is, of course, another’s ‘consideration’.  Whichever it is for you, it only seems to apply to voice calls.  We text and email each other at all hours of the day and night!  Last week, I was woken at 4:20AM, by a text thanking me for a bank transfer.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was glad to know the money had gone through ok – but I wasn’t lying awake worrying about it – at least not til the phone whistled at me when the text came in!


The sender assumed my phone would be off and I’d pick up the message when I switched on; but I, like many of us, use my phone as my alarm – and my new model has no standby option.  So if you happen to have my mobile number, PLEASE don’t send me anything between 11pm and 6AM – you WILL wake me up – and although you won’t hear me growling, rest assured, I will growl something I can’t write here!


Going back to voice calls, most of us now have some sort of voicemail facility and caller ID, especially on the mobile.  So the vast majority of us should, in theory, have no fear of gate-crashing into someone else’s day – or having them gate-crash into ours.  The trouble is that years of conditioning mean that when the phone calls, we feel compelled to leap on it, regardless of what we happen to be doing at the time.  For instance, it’s becoming perfectly normal to drop a face-to-face conversation mid-sentence to turn our attention to a remote caller – whoever they might be.  That said, we’re just as easily distracted from a distant conversation – even one which has been carefully pre-arranged – by something happening in our immediate physical environment.  That’s why lots of people find voice-only phone meetings so difficult to focus on (I teach a technique to help with that, but still, nothing beats a face-to-face – provided it isn’t constantly interrupted by the phone!).


This Pavlovian response is what drives the other trend I mentioned – cold calls, from businesses, charities – and criminals.  While you and I are worrying about (or, if you prefer, putting some thought into) whether we should ring so-and-so now, or whether he or she might be too busy, all kinds of organisations, legal and otherwise, feel free to bombard us with calls at all sorts of odd times – a lot of them not even from a human being in real time!  I know people who hate pre-recorded cold calls even more than the live variety, but they do have one clear advantage: you can swear at them without worrying about abusing a real person!  Last weekend alone, I had one at 9PM on Saturday evening and another at 8AM Sunday morning – both equally welcome …!  If I tell you how welcome, I’ll have to put an obscenity warning on this post!  No, I didn’t take either call – I let the voicemail take them.


That brings us back to where we started.  I don’t know about you, but I’d choose a good game of phone tennis any day (the swapping of voicemail until we make contact properly) over fear of intruding – or irritation that I just let you intrude (it’s worth remembering that if an unexpected call feels like an interruption – you chose to pick up!).  Some people are very good, but most of us need to get a lot better at  call screening – and returning.  One reason we jump on the phone the moment it rings, I’m guessing, is because we know we’ll forget to check our messages later!  Like this year’s Men’s Singles at Wimbledon, every game of phone tennis is won by the best returner.


And there’s another huge benefit of voicemail, which very few of us really exploit: If we all made more effective use of it, just think: we’d never have to deal with any more cold calls – and if no-one answered them they would eventually die out!


Perhaps we’d all be inspired if phone tennis had its own championships … How about it as a new Olympic sport.  We’re too late for Rio, but …


Back on a sensible note, there’s another aspect of this which I want to pick up next week – how well phone manners travel – or don’t, as the case may be.  In the meantime, if you have any:



Comments or



come and talk to me!  All the details are on the website – but right now, got to run – the phone’s ringing!  You think I’m kidding, don’t you ……?!

‘Excuse us! Where are our manners?!’ – why we still need to make time for niceties

7 Jul

Back in 2014, Julian Treasure of The Sound Agency talked about being ‘disappeared’ by people who carry on remote conversations while completely ignoring someone physically close by. Just recently, I’ve had two experiences which have convinced me that particular brand of ignorance isn’t limited to strangers on trains.


A couple of months ago, I was deep in conversation with a colleague in another company, when one of their associates walked in. I’d never met this person, although I knew them by their reputation for impeccable manners. So I thought I might be introduced before they both either excused themselves or drew me into their conversation. What they actually did was talk over my head. I was left feeling invisible – and very disappointed.


Fast-forward to a fortnight ago. I was at the head office of a large national company, involved in a very animated discussion with one of their technical people about (ironically!) improving and enhancing an aspect of their customer communications. Suddenly, a hand came on my shoulder. It was a friend I hadn’t seen for at least a year. We started chatting, although I kept looking for an opportunity to break off and introduce her to my new associate. Unfortunately, the chance didn’t come – until it was too late. The lady I’d been talking to before my friend appeared obviously felt frozen out. By the time I got a chance to do the introductions, she’d given up and gone to speak to someone else. I felt TERRIBLE!!! I’d just dished out exactly the same thoughtless treatment which had made me so cross when I’d been on the receiving end – and I was even more disappointed with myself than I’d been with those who had done it to me!


It got me thinking though, about two questions:


First, where does that kind of behaviour come from?


Until that second incident, I’d have liked to believe it was something which ‘other people’ were guilty of; the anonymous ‘they’, who have lost their manners, perhaps because of changing parenting styles, too much time online etc. Now I have to face the fact that I’m ‘one of them’ – and I’ve got to tell you, I don’t like it! So why do ‘we’ behave like that?


Well, speaking for myself, I can’t blame my upbringing – my parents were very old school when it came to manners. As a kid, I was convinced that if Mum and Dad could have made rudeness a crime, the punishment would have been a fate only slightly better than death! Nor can I blame my internet habits. Yes, I drop on to the web several times a day – and yes, I’m involved in social media; but it only represents a fraction of the time I spend interacting with people generally. The key, maybe, was in that last sentence; specifically, in one word in that sentence: ‘Time’.


In our time-poor culture, a belief seems to be developing that there’s no time for ‘niceties’. The less time we have (or, sometimes, think we have), the more we want to control our limited supply. One of the main ways we achieve that control is by switching our attention between several narrow fields of focus. We tend to prioritise according to what’s immediately in front of us, physically and virtually.


A couple of weeks ago, I talked about the inattentional tunnel vision drivers experience when they’re distracted. Well, we all experience something similar in our mind’s eye when we’re overloaded. If an event (like a message) isn’t front and centre, we can’t see it – and if we can’t see it, it can’t be important. Those of us who would like to see ourselves as polite and considerate start by feeling bad about missing that email or phone message; but eventually, we overcome the guilt and start telling ourselves it’s ok – even normal. We tell ourselves a similar story about dropping one contact to pick up another. What choice to we have? – and anyway, everybody does it, right? Both those arguments are reinforced every time our behaviour has no consequences – which happens more and more, as those we ignore come to accept, and then to expect it.


That brings me to the second question – does it matter?


The concept of ‘good manners’ evolves over time, along with language – and every other aspect of human culture. If it didn’t, we’d still be stuck in caves! At this point, the word itself, ‘manners’, sounds a bit quaint, doesn’t it? So shouldn’t we just accept that the juggling of interactions is ‘ok’, even ‘normal’, in the twenty-first century? Yes – but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t still be normal to excuse ourselves when we need to switch focus, and apologise when we don’t treat somebody as we’d like to be treated. That at least acknowledges that my ‘nicety’ might be your ‘necessity’ – and it could well make the difference between ‘later’ and ‘too late’.


A few years ago, I was doing a weekly radio show about enterprise. One of my guests was Gerry Chandler, a dispute resolution specialist. Off-air, he said something which has stayed with me – I’m pretty sure I’ve quoted it here before, but it’s always worth repeating: ‘If time is money, then time spent on conversation is an investment’. Well, now I’m going to expand that – to say: If time is money, time spent on treating people decently is an investment – whatever name we give it.


In case you’re wondering, yes, I have put my money where my mouth is. I sent my apologies to the lady I felt I was rude to two weeks ago. No response as yet …


Next time, I want to home in on a specific aspect of this – phone manners. In the meantime, if you have any:

  • Questions
  • Comments or
  • Communication issues to chat through come and talk to me! All the details are on the website.

‘Speak up! There’s a good girl!’ – the enduring female contradiction between ‘successful’ and ‘acceptable’

30 Jun

Last week, I said that despite the complexities of the ‘in or out?’ question, the UK’s EU referendum would come down to something much more basic – tribalism. As I write, so many tribes are in a state of flux, from the main political parties to our nations themselves.


The label ‘United Kingdom’ sounds like a contradiction in terms at the moment. I don’t want to dwell on that this week because things are changing all the time – and whatever I say now may well be out of date by the time I post it!


So instead, let’s talk about another contradiction in terms – one which has been around for generations. Although to be honest with you, I really thought it was disappearing. That was until a friend sent me a couple of links to articles on the BBC website, looking at why so many women don’t speak up for themselves, especially in a professional context.


I have a lot of childhood memories (from the 1970s and 80s) of passive-aggressive women, silently radiating rage through gritted teeth. They’d never dream of actually expressing those feelings overtly, because they’d been brought up to be ‘good girls’ – and ‘good girls’ don’t make trouble. They just aim to fit in by trying to please – even if that means pushing their true thoughts and feelings to the back of a very long queue!


That idea was reinforced at the all-girls grammar school where I spent nearly five years. (I still think of 29th June – my leaving date in 1984 – as ‘liberation day!’!) All that said, I thought my later reluctance to push myself forward in the workplace was a generational thing. Ok, a multi-generational thing, but something which was now dying out. Even when this issue came up in 2014, during my conversation with Ann Moir of Brain Sex Matters, I assumed it applied mainly to women of my own age or older.


I was really surprised – I’d go as far as to say shocked! – to read about how young women in the second decade of the 21st century are still struggling with the conflict summed up by my favourite set of mixed-up Mummisms: ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get – and if you don’t ask, you don’t want!’ but ‘Good girls don’t ask!’ In fact, it’s quite possible that girls growing up today face an even bigger challenge than any of their predecessors. The assumption is that they’re all supremely confident and comfortable in their own skin. Some are, of course; but for those who aren’t, the gap between expectation and reality is wider than it’s ever been.


In ‘Too many girls held back by inner criticHelen Fraser (Head of the Girls’ Day School Trust) says she has ‘worried away’ at why, so often, girls who are confident and successful at school don’t go on to reflect that in their professional careers. She believes it’s due, in part at least, to what happens during their education: ‘Schools should encourage girls to be adventurous risk-takers, rather than “quiet, neat, good girls”’, she says. She also talks about the 21st century pressure to be ‘perfect’ – at everything from academia to friendship.


My research tells me that’s boosted by the ability to appear perfect online. My experience tells me that pressure started building over three decades ago – an impression borne out by some of the contributions to: ‘Tips for success: Eleven ways to silence your inner critic’. No-one judges a woman more harshly than another woman – and the harshest of them all is the other woman who lives in her head! As Helen Fraser points out: ‘We need to persuade girls to challenge that inner critic that judges you, tells you you’re not good enough, that your ideas aren’t worth hearing’.


Those of us who are employers or potential employers can play our part in that, by establishing a collaborative, rather than a competitive culture. The business case for this approach is clear: The pressure of constant competition, of always having to fight your way through the crush and shout to be heard, has a negative impact on a range of people.


Earlier this week, I watched a TED talk by Brian Little, about the joys (and otherwise!) of being an introvert. For the perspective of an introverted woman, check out Susan Cain’s TED talk. Then there are those who go beyond introversion, to painful shyness. We can draw all these and other diverse individuals, from different tribes, into a single tribe. We do it by creating a workplace environment where everyone, male or female, introvert or extrovert, confident or shy, feels safe to express themselves – because they know they’ll be listened to. That gives us the opportunity to tap into the full breadth and depth of ideas and talent at our disposal – and the full depth and breadth of our potential customer/client base – all of which translates into a healthier bottom line.


If you want scientific evidence, have a look at: ‘Moral Markets’ By Paul Zak et al. Yes, there are lots of aspects to creating that kind of culture, from the physical to the virtual; but the good news is that it’s really easy to get started.


We just have to forget Brexit long enough to agree on one thing: ‘Vive la difference!’ The next step is just as simple – we need to take a break from trying to be heard and start listening. I’ve just got off the phone with the boss of a large national public body. After years of struggling with that concept they are, at last, taking it on board – and if they can do it, believe me, you and I certainly can!


In that spirit, if you have any:

  • Questions
  • Comments or
  • Communication issues to discuss


come and talk to me! All the details are, as ever, on the website.

In two minds? – reason versus emotion in decision-making

22 Jun

Here in the UK, the day is almost upon us when we have to answer one of the most important questions to face us in decades. I am, of course, talking about the EU referendum – should we stay, or should we go?


A recent poll suggested that 46% would vote ‘leave’; 41% would vote ‘remain’; and 11% were still undecided. (Presumably, the other 2% weren’t going to vote at all?). Those numbers surprised me slightly – especially the 11% still sitting on the fence – because almost everyone I’ve spoken to about this has said something like: ‘I still have no idea which way to go!’ I have to say, I’m on that fence with them.


Over the last month or so, although I’ve read, listened to and watched a lot of the campaigning by both sides, I’m still no closer to knowing where my pen will land! To be really honest with you, I probably change my mind at least once a day!


A decision of this magnitude should be based on hard facts. The trouble is that in among all the propaganda and personalities, real, hard facts are very difficult to come by – simply because, whatever the result, no-one really knows what happens next. If you’re planning to vote and you consider yourself politically engaged, you’d probably like to think your choice will be based on a firm foundation, such as economics. I know I would – although I suspect that for many of us, it’ll come down to a question of personality – who we trust – and who we don’t trust.


In the past week alone, I’ve spoken to one person who said ‘I’m voting to leave – because David Cameron wants to stay!’, and someone else who said, ‘There’s no way I’m voting the same way as Boris Johnson!’ This takes us back to the fundamentally tribal nature of human life – even 21st century human life in the Western world! This sort of decision is based – much more than most of us would like to admit – on who we consider to be ‘one of us’ and ‘one of them’ – which tribe we belong to, or want to belong to.


Two books touch on this issue, from two very different angles. In ‘The Moral MoleculePaul Zak takes us through his research into Oxytosin (mentioned by Graham Music in Part 3 of Programme 2) Professor Zak has shown consistently that this humble little hormone can have quite profound effects on our levels of trust and trustworthiness.


In ‘Thinking Fast and SlowDaniel Kahneman focuses on risk assessment and decision-making. This is quite a challenging read, because it forces us to rethink the balance we believe we strike, between reason and intuition. For instance, it seems that even the most sophisticated of us are inclined to prefer plausibility to probability; and when presented with a difficult question, such as: ‘Which of two investments should I make? We’re very likely to substitute an easier one, along the lines of: ‘Which option do I like best?’ And you thought it was only politicians who answered the question they wish they’d been asked? – me too!


If you’re involved in sales and marketing at any level, of course, you’ll appreciate the importance of emotion in decision-making. The most memorable demonstration of that power I’ve ever seen was in a TV show: ‘The Brain, with David Eagleman’. In one episode, we met a woman who had suffered a brain injury. She was still a bright, articulate lady, but the connections within her brain which had allowed rationality and emotion to communicate were broken. As a result, she struggled with even the most mundane decision – such as which cleaning product to buy at the supermarket. When faced with an array of basically the same thing under several different brand labels, she dissolved into tears because – ‘there’s just too much choice!’ Without the emotional cues the rest of us rely on (often without knowing it), the task of having to pick one was overwhelming!


Getting back to the upcoming referendum(as everything in the UK has tended to do for months!), it’s been suggested that if I really don’t know which way to vote, I should abstain; but that feels like cheating. Mind you, it does mean that if the ultimate decision turns out to be wrong, I can always say: ‘I knew it!’ Our ability to redesign past beliefs to fit around present knowledge is something else Daniel Kahneman looks at in his book – and it’s something we’ll look at in the next programme, on memory.


On that subject: the contributor I was hoping to secure was David Eagleman (mentioned earlier). Unfortunately, he just doesn’t have the time. Ironically, the topic I wanted him to contribute to was time perception … Perhaps equally ironically, we might be able to indulge in a little digital time travel to get him on the show after all – more of which when I’m sure.


In the meantime, as always, if you have any:

  • Questions
  • Comments or
  • Communication issues to chat through come and talk to me!


All the details are on the website.