What happens next? – Stories

Last week, when I was talking about the importance of expressing things like gratitude and apology, I used the example of two versions of a customer’s story, one all about a problem and the other ending with a solution.

When I first started in business, eleven years ago, I remember coming across an article which said that a satisfied customer might tell one or two people; but a dissatisfied one would probably share their experience with ten!

In the social media age, those accounts can spread faster and further than ever before; but they’re still a continuation of an ancient oral tradition.

Storytelling has been part of every human culture for many millennia; but why?

Our brains might represent only around 2% of our body weight, but they consume 20% of our energy. Just following a tale involves more effort than we realise – and telling it takes an even bigger investment. The listener/reader needs ‘fifth order intentionality’ – the ability to keep track of up to five people’s states of mind at any one time – four characters’ and their own. That’s at the top end of the normal adult limit; and the teller/author needs to be able to go one step further, to ‘sixth order intentionality’ – four characters, the listener/reader and themselves. That’s why far more people love a good story than can tell one.

As I’ve said before, Mother Nature is generally portrayed as either a soft, Mumsey figure, or a slightly unstable parent with a taste for cruel and unusual punishment; but I see her as the FD of Earth PLC – a very shrewd accountant. She won’t buy new if it’s cheaper to adapt existing equipment – and she doesn’t make big investments unless she’s absolutely convinced of even bigger returns.

Stories are sizable investments in terms of the ‘cognitive load’ they put on everyone involved. They force us to operate in a virtual world, dealing with people and events outside our own immediate physical experience; and that, so the science says, is much more costly than straightforward face-to-face interaction.

So what’s in it for us?

We probably all know from personal experience that a good story is a powerful thing. It can encourage, inspire, scare or control; but more important than any of that is the reason I’m talking about it in a series on professional relationships:

Storytelling binds people together.

It all starts with something very simple and basic – good, old-fashioned curiosity. Once we get involved in a narative, we really want to know:

‘What happens next?‘

It’s disappointing and frustrating to be left hanging in mid-air, without a resolution, isn’t it?

That has a lot of potential for smart marketers.

Traditional radio and TV advertising just hits the consumer with repetitions of snapshots and soundbites showing the benefits of a product – cleaner dishes, whiter teeth, higher status – whatever it happens to be.

Repetition works well, up to a point. The more our attention is drawn to something, the more importance we attach to it – so the more attention we give it. At least, that’s the theory. The trouble is, if we decide a message isn’t relevant to us, the constant repetition just becomes a pattern which our brains filter out as background noise.

If, on the other hand, the message is woven into a story which captures our imagination, we’ll stick with it just to see how things turn out. In the process, we build up an emotional attachment to the characters which, over time, is likely to translate into an emotional attachment to the brand.

Just look at a brand like ‘Coronation Street’. Not convinced that’s a product? Well, indirectly, it is – because it’s what the Americans might call ‘prime real estate’ in the television advertising landscape.

Every now and then, adverts themselves have told a story in serial form.
The example that immediately springs to mind featured the ‘Gold Blend couple’.

We saw them meet as neighbours in 1987, because one of them was out of coffee. Then we watched them get together, through twelve episodes, across the next six years.

As a marketing investment, it was a roaring success. Sales went up 20% in the first eighteen months and 70% over the campaign as a whole.

With figures like that, why don’t we see more soapvertising?

Well, mainly because in tougher economic times, everything becomes more reductive. We don’t look so far ahead – and we’re certainly less willing to commit big budgets to longterm strategies; but – pardon the pun – that isn’t the whole story.

A good tale needs a good teller and the necessary script-writing skills just aren’t as big a part of advertising as they used to be. Then there’s the question of the viewers’ attention span – which is a whole other subject, for another post!

The nearest thing we have in 2015 is something like the meerkats campaign, for Comparethemarket.com; but even there, each ad is a separate, self-contained vignette, part of a loosely linked series using the same characters, rather than an ongoing narative.

Yes, they work. Changing the ad regularly solves the problem of patterning – people mentally switching off because they’ve seen the same thing too many times; and the cute, human-like characters attract the attention of whole families, so making use of motivations not normally associated with these products – such as pester power. Kids don’t care about insurance or energy suppliers – but they do want a Baby Oleg toy – even my elderly Mum wants a Baby Oleg toy!

The campaign is obviously working well, because they’ve been able to afford a good chunk of that prime real estate I mentioned earlier (they currently sponsor ‘Coronation Street’!)

Still, this approach, built around those snapshots and soundbites I’ve mentioned, is all about prompting interaction; a short-term investment with the promise of an immediate physical return.

Stories, on the other hand, are all about relationships – and vice versa. The investment is longer-term; and so are the potential returns.

Every organisation has a story behind it. Hearing it can draw us in – and becoming part of it goes a long way to keeping us engaged. That’s why good PR campaigns are built around storytelling.

Looking back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:

Factual and fictional tales have certain rules and structures, feeding our need for safety and security
Having one shared with us helps to meet our need to belong; and
Contributing to it strengthens our sense of being part of something and feeds our need for esteem.

The link between stories and marketing/PR, might be obvious; but even if you want to build better relationships with your:

Existing customers/clients
Staff
Suppliers and
strategic partners

your story is a great place to start. Theirs might be an even better jumping-off point.

I’ll come back to that in a couple of weeks, when I talk about memory; but the immediate answer to the question:

‘What happens next?’

Is another slight change to the original schedule. Next time, I want to look at one of the things stories can help to build – trust.

In the meantime, if you have any:

Questions
Comments
Communication issues to discuss or
Tales to tell (yes, I do mean that)

come and talk to me! All the details are on the website – as is the story of how this company came to be …

‘Why do you need to know?’ – Exchange

First, an apology: I’ve just realised I made an error a couple of weeks ago. In the intro to this series, I listed the second topic as ‘Notice’; but as you may have noticed, ‘Negotiation’ sneaked into its place. I must admit I didn’t check the original list and talking about ‘Negotiation seemed to flow quite naturally out of ‘Inclusion’ and into ‘Value’.

One common theme has run through all three:

• ‘Inclusion focused on turning assumptions into questions;
• ‘Negotiation’ was concerned with asking the right questions; and
• ‘Value’ looked at one specific question.

I could continue the theme this time. ‘Exchange’ is about interaction – of which questions are an important part; but I want to move on to answers, by looking at two more Es:

• ‘Explanations’ and
• ‘Expressions’.

Everything I’m about to say may well be obvious. Actually, I’m about to make several statements which should be self-evident – but that’s the point. These truths are so self-evident, they’re hidden in plain sight. In other words, they’re examples of the blindingly obvious – facts so clear that we don’t bother looking for them. As a result, all too often, we don’t see them til they trip us up.

‘Explanations’ tie back to all those questions I’ve talked about in this series so far – because some questions need to be explained – and not just when the wording is complex or obscure!

I first came up against this issue when I studied legal interviewing. As you’ll know if you’re in a similar profession, it isn’t unusual for a client to become defensive if you just hit them with a deeply personal question – and once the barriers go up, it’s difficult to break them down.

So, as students, we were taught to follow tricky enquiries with an explanation. In practice, though, I soon realised it was better to get the explanation in first.

In a sense, that takes us back to the question:

‘What do you really want?’

Yes, it appears to be a lot quicker and easier just to ask the questions we need to ask and get the best answers we can; but a little time and effort beforehand, to explain why we want to know – what we really want the information for – can turn potential combat into collaboration.

When that happens, it’s well worth following the awkward questioning with an acknowledgement – which brings us to ‘expressions’.

When you were a kid, I’m sure your parents, like mine, taught you to ‘say the magic words’ – ‘please’ and ‘thank-you’, didn’t they?

For years, I think I actually believed they were magic – because things either appeared or disappeared depending on whether or not I used them at the right moment!

I remember particularly learning that it was never too late to say ‘thank-you’. Like most kids, I got a bit embarrassed about ringing Auntie to say thanks for Xmas or birthday presents. So I’d put it off – in the hope, I think, that if enough time passed, I’d get away with it.

No such luck! The minute our paths crossed, I’d be gently (well, usually not so gently) reminded …

Back then, of course, I had no idea how much my appreciation was appreciated. Only when I grew up and started buying presents for the children close to me did I understand the importance of the little scribbled note or nervous phone-call. They made the effort worthwhile and strengthened the relationship – especially across distance.

So why are things so different in the professional arena – where everyone is, after all, an adult? I can’t believe many of us seriously think we’re ‘above all that, do we?’

Although I’m regularly surprised by the number of perfectly decent, normally well-mannered people I meet, who never remember to say thanks – or even to acknowledge effort made by someone else on their behalf!

Ok, so we’re all ridiculously busy; but it’s a question of priorities. The trouble is that because this kind of ‘social nicety’ doesn’t earn direct income for us – in fact, we may not see its impact at all, in the short-term – it’s easy for it to slip down the ‘to-do’ list – til it drops off the bottom! We blame lack of time; but (looking back to last week’s post), if we can find a few minutes to ask for a favour, surely we can manage one or two to express appreciation?

That small investment could yield big returns. As with personal relationships, it reinforces connections. In business terms, it builds:

• Trust and
• goodwill

which are, regardless of organisation or sector, invaluable assets.

The other lesson which sticks in my mind from childhood is:

‘It’s never too late to say sorry’.

It’s said that ‘time heals all wounds’, but sometimes they just become hidden under layers of scarring. Even the most genuine apology might not always make everything ok; but it has the potential to promote healthier healing.

For instance, a customer who feels they’ve been badly treated will let the anger etc go over time – unless the offending company’s name is mentioned – at which point, they’re likely to share their bad experience with other prospective customers. If they’ve received an apology which they’ve accepted, it’s a different story. Yes, if the subject comes up they might still tell the tale of the problem, but the ending will be about the solution – leaving a more positive impression all round – and, quite possibly, leaving them feeling more:

• Included
• Understood and
• Valued.

One quote sums up the essence of this post for me – from the late Dr Maya Angelou:

‘People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will always remember how you made them feel’.

That’s as true at work as in any other area of life.

My example of the disgruntled customer is just one illustration of the power of storytelling in this context. I’ll talk about some more next week.

In the meantime, as always, if you have any:

• Questions
• Comments or
• Communication issues to discuss,

Please, come and talk to me! All the details are on the website.

Thanks in advance!

What do you really want? – Negotiation

Back in my days as a law student, one of the optional modules I took was negotiation.

Our tutor, David, liked to err on the side of the less conventional in his teaching style. I may have told you before that at the beginning of his first lecture on another subject, he jumped up on the desk and shouted:

‘Imagine I’m a Martian!’

In that moment, to be honest, it wasn’t too hard …

His methods, which included storytelling and some slightly off-the-wall exercises, certainly broke down barriers and brought his subjects to life though. It was in his advocacy class that I beat my fear of public speaking. I’ve said before that without David – and a helping hand from Little Bo-peep – I wouldn’t be doing this job.

During the first negotiation tutorial, he told a little story – which you may have come across?:

‘There was a mother, with two children – and one orange. She had a problem, because both kids wanted the orange. She tried giving it to one, with the promise that the other could have the next one; but that didn’t work – the one who had to wait just screamed! So she tried suggesting they cut it in half; but that didn’t work either – this time, both screamed!’

At that point, he paused and asked us:

‘So what could she do?’

Various suggestions were put forward – from buying another orange, to telling them they both had to go without, because they were behaving like brats!

He let the discussion run for a while, before calling it to order:

‘You might all be right,’ he said, ‘but what she actually did next was ask the kids a question:

‘”What do you really want the orange for?”

‘One said:

“I’m hungry!”

‘And the other said:

‘”I’m thirsty!”

‘So there was her answer. She squeezed the orange and gave the thirsty child the juice and the hungry one the pulp – and peace reigned!’

Throughout the rest of that course – and my later legal career – I saw that principle in action time and time again.

Back in 2008, I made a programme called:

‘Everybody Wins’ through Collaborative Negotiation.

In any deal, each party has a starting point and an idea of where they want to end up. They’ll both have results they ‘absolutely refuse’ to compromise on and other aspects of the outcome where they might be prepared to give a little – usually in return for something from the other side.

In commercial deals generally and legal scenarios in particular, both parties tend to keep their aces up their sleeves – while trying to catch a peep up the other side’s sleeves, to see what cards they’re holding.

Attempts to reach agreement can go round and round in circles, especially when one or both of the negotiators is competitive. When there are two competitors in the room (as you’ll know if you’ve been through this), the result can be complete stalemate – expensive stalemate if the alternative to a negotiated settlement is court. If one of the negotiators is too cooperative, on the other hand, the result is likely to be all one way – in favour of the competitor.

The idea behind collaborative negotiation is to save a lot of that time, effort and money by finding common ground early on and then working towards a solution that will suit both.

To do that, the question has to be asked and answered – of themselves, if not of each other

What do you really want?

The top-level answer might be:

‘The orange!’,

but by drilling down, we get to:

‘Food!’ or
‘A drink!’

So many legal clients started our first consultation by telling me they wanted to sue the pants off of someone who had breached a contract or some other civil right; but when I drilled down, it usually turned out that what they really wanted was their money back, some work put right etc – which, in 99% of cases, we were able to achieve without even issuing a summons. Sometimes, it was even possible to repair the original relationship.

So often, they hadn’t given too much thought to what they really wanted, until they were asked the direct question. Someone had done them wrong and was refusing to be reasonable, so they’d sue – ‘because that’s what you do, isn’t it?!’ (a justification I heard more than once!).

Equally often, the other side had become entrenched in their position because my client had been issuing demands, rather than asking questions.

That’s where this little trip into my past ties back to my present.

Whether we’re talking about law, business – or any other kind of relationship – there’s negotiation involved, isn’t there? Not just to settle disputes, but to set or reinterpret the ground rules as things naturally evolve, with a view to avoiding disagreements.

When I met Sophie Scott at UCL to record the third programme in the last series, she told me before the interview:

‘We’re the only species that asks questions. Others can communicate – some can even tell us what they want; but only we ask questions’.

Investing some time and effort in asking the right questions to get a collaborative negotiation going, on any topic, not only saves that time, effort and money I mentioned earlier – it also moves us towards the common ground on which solid, productive relationships are built.

So, dare I say it? – everybody wins!

Being asked what it is we really want, rather than having someone lay down the law about what they want, in any situation, is an important part of the topic I was talking about last week – inclusion. It’s about even more than getting to the truth. It makes us feel acknowledged; respected; valued – and it’s possible to do it without compromising authority, even where the balance of power is uneven – as between boss and employee.

Value is the subject of the next post.

In the meantime, what do you really want? – no, I mean it – tell me!

If you have any:

• Questions
• Feedback or
• Communication issues to discuss,

come and talk to me! All the details are on the website.